Dear Mom, Dad, Matt, and family,
These last few days, weeks, and months of my time at home have really brought out the depth of our familial bonds and have served to emphasize the significance the last eighteen years has had on my life. The frantic packing escapade managed to distract me from some of the more profound and emotional realizations taking place at the moment.
The most significant of which dawned on me while I was sitting on a fallen log in a captivating oak grove in Petaluma California with the ten other fellows as we were beginning to discuss our plans for the upcoming year. This is the moment when it really set in that the relationships in my life will never again be the same as I move into this new and exciting chapter of my life. I guess my delayed realization of this obvious fact came out of naïve confusion on my part. I mistakenly related leaving home with going to college and in the logical continuation I failed to realize that my “moment” of leaving home would come when I left for Global Citizen Year. I had unconsciously connected this moment to leaving for college and naturally I completely missed the boat so to speak.
And so it was that as the five of us sat in the Panoramio coffee shop in Terminal C of the RDU airport this morning, I was caught off guard by a sudden wave of reminiscent feelings. As we sat laughing and joking as a family one last time, I started to reflect fondly on the memories of the last fifteen years.
I remember staying with Annette waiting for Matthew to come home from the hospital. He was still Matthew at this point so I can still call him that in public. I remember the first time I had to deal with loss when our dog Sundance died when I was really little, the time we went fishing with Papa and I don’t even remember if we caught any red drum or not. I fondly remember all the many days spent at both the lake house and the mountain house with grandparents and lots of extended family. These are the kinds of lasting memories that have shaped me into the person I am today and will continue to fuel my drive to be who I am in the future and for that I am truly grateful.
All of these experiences and the rest of them add up to create a childhood full of fond memories and ever since I waved goodbye for the final time from the other side of the TSA checkpoint this morning, my unconscious mind has been a continuous reel of flashbacks from my childhood experience.
As I began to think about the next year and all the questions and uncertainties that I have at this point, I began to overlay them with my constant stream of recollections and began to realize the shear appreciation for the depth of the relationships that I am so blessed to have. As I was showing the other fellows on the plane the photo album you helped me put together last night, I realized how much I rely on those relationships as a constant source of guidance as I face the challenges I am presented with.
Thinking forward about my home stay experience, I really anticipate reaching out to my home stay family to create new bonds modeled on the bonds I will continue to maintain at home. I look forward to the new and exciting things I will learn about myself as I begin to gather “my people” around me in Guatemala as I have done so affectionately over the last 18 years at home.
Already I am inspired by the new relationships we are forging and have been forging with the GCY founding community over the summer and the lifetime community which we will be growing over the next week. I truly appreciate the strong relationships I have developed with my family and friends and I will consider myself quite fortunate if I am able to even closely rival the tight bonds that I will continue to cherish for the rest of my life. For this, all this, I am thankful. And most of all this is just the begining of a very rich future!
I love you all!
Michael
10 Comments
Michael- That’s a great note, and I can totally imagine all that you are describing. I can see the film unfold in mind, from you waiting for Matt to you sitting on the plane showing the others your photo album. Thanks. Reid
Michael – Thank you for your beautiful letter. Indeed, your passing through the TSA checkpoint and giving us all one final smile and wave before heading to the gate to begin your GCY experience was a pivotal moment! We love you and miss you and can’t wait to hear about all that is to come! You have everything you need for the journey. Love, Mom
Your blog entry to the family is really wonderful. I am so glad that you feel our support so deeply. You are so right about the profound impact of those moments together in the departure lounge. What a fond memory. I must tell you that was the best hug you have ever given me. You have my permission to hug me like that every time we hug from now on. You don’t need to tear up every time just a big hug will always be terrific.
I was doing well in church yesterday until we got to the first hymn after the sermon. It was one of those rockin hymns out of the hymnals that Curtis Harper gave the church. I immediately flashed on you up in front of the church this past spring – you were our ‘elder-on-call’ and you were swaying to the rhythm of one of the hymn. Yep, I couldn’t hold back the tears. I recovered and regained focus and then came ‘Peace Like a River’. Well I was toast again. I really love you Michael and miss you already. But it is ok. I will get through it. You are on a great adventure.
Proud of you and 10 other young students. GO all the way. Especially proud you are traveling with a UNCW student. Go SeaHawks….
Michael,
Thought it has been SO many years since we’ve spent any time together, your dad has kept me up-to-date on your amazing journey which opens yet another unique chapter as you head off for the coming year. It is a bittersweet time I’m sure on so many levels what with the losses in the family and the transition you are making into your own more independent life. You are blessed with many natural gifts, benefitting from years of hard work and reflection, and graced with a loving family and community. I look forward to seeing you again soon!
My dearest Michael,
It is late and my body wants nothing more than to sleep yet I have been waiting all week to have a moment to read your entry. I’m so glad I didn’t wait another moment. What an absolutely beautiful entry you wrote. My heart ached as I drove to church on Sunday, saw your smiling face in my mind’s eye, and missed you already. But, like you, the most prominent emotion is actually one of deep gratitude. I am grateful for the day you were born into my life. I am grateful for all the days you curiously asked me questions I could not answer, cracked me up to the point of tears, hung in there with me when I left you frustrated, and every day in between. I, too, have been experiencing this running video of memories in my mind…like you running to greet me when I drove to the lake from Delaware for your 2nd birthday and we found out your mom was pregnant with Matt…you creating the balloon drop for the deca-dance in the church house…making sugar cookies with you and Sam…playing fair ride and trash…laying my hand upon your head the day you were ordained an elder…memories upon memories upon memories…I am so grateful for them all. So grateful for you my dearest Michael.
Love you forever and ever and ever,
Annette (aka Neddy)
Dear Michael,
Your beautiful words to your family moved me to tears. I am so struck by your growth in recent years, your insightfulness, and developing self-awareness. I think the hustle and bustle prior to your leaving was probably a good thing – allowing you to focus forward with incredible anticipation. I think now that you are on your trip when you sometimes look backwards this will continue to give you perspective and support in your experiences. I love that I have known you since you were 2! And through the 7 years in Signsations watching you grow up to the incredible young man you are now.
As the Quakers say:
God speed on your journey….
Love
Judie
Wow, Michael. What an eloquent post. Leaps and bounds more mature than most kids heading off to college. Which is probably why you are taking such a unique path. I didn’t have the maturity to see it the moment I left home, but I do remember coming back after my first semester away and realizing how profoundly different my relationship with my dad had become. There was definitely a major shift, because now we were officially two adults learning and creating in this world together. The advice he would give me from then on would be more as a friend rather than strictly a parental figure. And our time apart made us cherish our brief time together even more. You’ll find it hard to believe how leaving home can actually bring you even closer to your family in some ways. At the same time, you will also be having experiences you’ll never be able to fully relate to anyone. As hard as that is, try to embrace it. It’s a such strange dichotomy, but so worthwhile.
Have an amazing time, and if you have a chance, keep us posted. If not, don’t sweat it. Every journal or blog I’ve ever had has failed. Hopefully you’re a better writer than I
Love,
Jo
Michael- We are so excited for you as you start this new journey in life.It will be an adventure most can never imagine, let alone, get to experience.
Our blessings go with you as you face these new challenges and experiences.
Love, Karen-Ann, Bob,Bob and Charlie
Michael,
It is January. I am sad to say that I have not been in touch with your family in a while, though I love them dearly. Michael your letter to your family in September, brought tears to my eyes, much like the emotion I felt the first time I watched you signing at the middle school talent show and to the words of, Lean on Me, during your 8th grade graduation. Your mom and I have shared so many “son” stories and her wonderful, caring and thoughtful emails I will keep forever.
I am so proud of you and I know that when you go off to college next year that you will be better prepared than ever. You have endured a dichotomous year through the strength and support you provided your family during your grandparent’s illnesses, and how you are giving of yourself through GCY. I can feel your parents smiling.
Love always, Aliki